“What are you confused about?”
That's a question I get a lot when I launched this blog in 2016 as The Confused Millennial.
I am not sure if people were asking sincerely or trying to be “cute” on social media… but I think it's asked from a place of judgment rather than curiosity… as if I shouldn't feel confused?
As a 25 year old, I often found myself wondering/hoping: “Aren't we all confused on some level about something? Whether its life, relationships, work, whatever…? Aren't you confused about something right now? I can't be the only one in a constant state of confusion!”
But I kept those thoughts inside and typically replied with:
“I am confused about everything and nothing all at the same time.”
This response rarely satiated the asker. They wanted to know what I mean by that? How could that really be true? I seemed to have it together! Was I exaggerating?
And then then my all time favorite respond: “you're too young to be confused!“
But the reality is, I feel like there are confusing situations we face every single day of our lives, no matter our age.
– Why do we live in a society that values punishment over rehabilitation and acceptance?
– Why do people choose hatred over seeking to understand?
– Why is forgiveness so difficult?
– What do I want to do with my life? What don't I want to do with my life?
– How do people overcome certain struggles?
– How can we best support each other?
– How can we communicate better?
… and the list goes on…
Seriously the anxiety is crept up my chest and started to feel like a million pounds just writing those out.
So where did the name, confused millennial, actually come from?
The name, confused millennial, hit me over the head like a baseball bat during a rant to my fiance about a terrible exchange I had with someone I once looked up to. It had me really confused about:
a) why I even looked up to them?
b) how do people misrepresent themselves and get away with it? and
c) how come we choose to act out of fear and judgment rather than love?
I was on this new path with my career and business that I thought I was supposed to be on, but that exchange felt like a total wrench. I felt confused and lost about my direction.
Was I taking on someone else's path once again in my life, or my own?
[RELATED] Half truths & passive aggressiveness. – Putting Others Down to Elevate Yourself.
And if I am honest with myself, I was totally choosing someone else's path, not my own. It was an important stepping stone for me at the time though and I am forever grateful for how things went down with that person because it fast-tracked the emptiness I would've felt had I kept going down that road.
I feel like TCM not only explains how I felt when starting this blog, but also how a lot of people feel at some point in there life.
Shifting to The Confused Mom
After the birth of my daughter, the pandemic, and rise of Gen Z, the word millennial felt like it didn't resonate with me anymore. First, most people don't even know what a millennial is! Yep, I've had people as old as 60 identify as a millennial and most people simply equate it to being in your young 20s, no matter what year you were born. A name I thought would grow and transform with me, because I would always be a millennial, no longer made any sense. And it turns out, there's a lot of people just really angry at millennials in general! The amount of random hate comments I'd get – simply over my name – with people complaining about our generation was astonishing.
I decided in 2020 to start focusing on my Youtube channel, and test out The Confused Mom. A name that felt much more resonate as the entry to new motherhood was confusing. There was SO much information and SO many opinions to sort through.
And that's what this site really morphed into. Your one stop shop to let go of the confusion, find the best product recommendations, toys, activities, and tips to make motherhood easier and move toward clarity, calm, and stability in your knowing as a mama.
My thoughts on the word confused:
The word confused deeply triggers people for some reason. To me, it's a verb. It's a stepping stone to a higher place.
I think as a generation, or as moms, we strive to be better. We sometimes over think things or ask more questions than our predecessors, and we hopefully aren't settling for the systems that no longer serve us.
Confusion is simply the action through those things. The catalyst to finding peace.
It's not where we build our house and live for years, but it's the dive off the cliff you just scaled into the most beautiful ocean full of exactly what we need.
To me, confused is no different than a “dark night of the soul” or “moving through fear” it's a normal part of life we can choose to stay in for 5 min or 5 years – but on the other side is always more stability, clarity, and calmness. It connects us to our mama intuition, our knowing for a better life.
So are we confused as a generation?
Well I can't speak for everybody, but I sure am confused… and more than that, I hope our generation is confused! Because to me, it means we are asking questions! It means we are pushing boundaries. It means we are seeking to understand something greater than ourselves. We are striving to be the change we want to see in the world.
