UPDATE: I wrote this post last year when I turned 29. As I sit just a few days away from my 30th birthday, I realize how true it is. I honestly don't think I can write a better post for turning 30. While this focuses on turning 30, the gifts I talk about should be given (IMO) at any age, but the earlier the better! This post also includes affiliate links.
Tomorrow I turn 29!! That's one year until I'm turning 30 and it has me reflecting a lottttt. When I turned 28 I wrote probably one of my favorite blog posts of all time: Advice To My 18-Year Old Self, which we turned into a podcast episode and went even deeper on a few weeks ago. While doing the podcast episode I think what was most surprising to me was how some of my views from that post have even changed in just this past year alone. Twenty-eight was probably the most transformative year of my twenties. It was full of eye-opening awakenings and internal journeys. But above all else, it's the year I felt the greatest “return to self.”
What do I mean by a “return to self”?
Well if you've been a reader for a while, you know that my #1 secret to living your best life (read more about it here) is unlearning ALL the things you've been taught up until this point about yourself, the world and others. It's a concept Jenna Zoe and I went deep into in our Human Design podcast episode as well. Essentially we have to de-condition ourselves to all these rules and “shoulds” that have been placed on us to quite literally, “return to ourselves” at the spirit level. Our truest essence that's untainted by limits and fears. It's a state of pure and unconditional love. It's a state that I never thought was possible for myself until this year.
How the F did you get here?!
I know “love yourself” is blasted on every pseudo inspirational Instagram quote or journal – but LBH, if you're anything like me, while I definitely liked myself, I didn't have an inkling of a clue about what it truly meant to love myself. You see, this past year has been a journey into all things woo-woo (find out what I mean by that phrase here). Not in the “kumbaya” let's get a f*-ton of crystals and sage everything way – although totally guilt on all fronts; but in a way of truly understanding that I am the creator of everything in my life. That every time I judge or get passive-aggressive with someone else, it simply a mirror of what I haven't embraced in myself yet. It's a deep understanding that we are all actually connected as one soul ultimately. You are as much me, as I am you, as we are the trees outside and the earth we walk on. To judge, hate, disrespect, or put anyone (person, plant, animal) down is to judge, hate, disrespect, or put yourself down.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”‘To judge, hate, disrespect, or put anyone (person, plant, animal) down is to judge, hate, disrespect, or put yourself down.' #realtalk” quote=”To judge, hate, disrespect, or put anyone (person, plant, animal) down is to judge, hate, disrespect, or put yourself down.”]
Just the same, to give someone a compliment, to express gratitude, to spread kindness onto others or the world – is to give yourself that same gift. Our words and actions are medicine.
So unlike most of the content you'll see out there about the “bucket list” to complete before 30 or the like, I want to offer up something different, the gifts to give yourself before 30. And truthfully, even if it's after 30, still give these gifts. Never stop giving these gifts.
The Greatest Gifts You Can Give Yourself Before 30
Acknowledge you are part of a tribe.
For so many years I thought I was a drifter, a loner. I thought I would never find a tribe or connection. What I realized though, is that we are all connected as one. And while I may not want to spend my time with every person I meet, I do have deep love and gratitude for us all going on this journey together. When I stopped viewing myself as a loner, and accepted the fact that I simply have fewer shared interests than most people, I was able to start finding people I enjoy spending time with. But even more than that, I was able to see just how connected we all are.
Recognize you only have the present moment.
Anxiety was something that I've struggled with for the bulk of my life. But I realize now that to worry is to waste energy. Worrying doesn't change the outcome. In fact, if anything, it only makes a situation worse since you're lowering your energetic frequencies and coming from a place of fear. Like attracts like after all. So when we choose to remain in the present moment, accepting life for the experience we are currently having, and not the projected experience of what we think will happen, beautiful things become reality.
Let go of “fighting” and spread love.
I was standing in my kitchen with Shaman Durek when he said to me, “you don't need to fight or be passive aggressive with me.” And it hit me. I spent the last 28 years fighting. Fighting for what's right, what's wrong, what's just and fair… and what did I have to show for it? A few too many stress lines on my forehead if I'm being honest. You can get just as much accomplished by spreading love and not engaging in the chaos.
Make healthy choices.
Whether it's the food you're putting into your body, the type of water you're drinking, the words you're speaking to yourself, or something else. There are hundreds of thousands of opportunities every single day to make a healthy choice. To to act, not react. It's okay to take the time to weigh your options. It's also okay to change your mind. Always strive for solutions rooted in love, harmony, and the highest good.
Question everything
I remember as a little kid I asked five million questions… and then was labeled as “difficult” and “annoying.” I stopped asking as many questions for a lot of years because I thought it'd make my life easier to conform… but it didn't. In fact, what I realized is that we should be questioning everything. It's part of re-discovering who we are. If someone says they saw a dragon, ask them to show it to you! Never accept anything for face value.
Know yourself and advocate for yourself
Part of questioning everything will allow you to truly get to know yourself. What you believe in, what you like, dislike, and so much more. The more you get to know yourself the more you can advocate for yourself. You can still spread love and choose to do what's right for you. Too often I think we get stuck because we think pleasing others means rejecting ourselves – and sometimes it does mean that – which is why I think we need to advocate for ourselves and not aim to please anyone else. Everyone is here to please themselves and you are not responsible for the emotional state of another. That's their choice to feel that way.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”‘You are not responsible for the emotional state of another. That's their choice to feel that way.' #realtalk” quote=” you are not responsible for the emotional state of another. That's their choice to feel that way.”]
Be brutally honest with yourself and stop self sabotaging
I wasn't going to include this one, but recently a lot of people have come into my life who are self sabotaging the F out of their lives. It was frustrating me and then I realized, it frustrates me because I spent so many years doing that too. Sometimes it's easier to blame others for what's happening in our lives, but the truth is, when we become brutally honest with ourselves it usually boils down to something we are self-sabotaging. Whether we are afraid of success or failure, or something else – change and growth have often been taught to us as this “scary” unknown – so it becomes easier to drag our heels and self sabotage. The reality though is you're only causing yourself more pain. The unknown is only “scary” if you choose for it to be scary. Which leads me to…
Realize you are the ultimate creator of everything in your life
The good, the bad, and the ugly – you are the creator of it all in your life. We call in different people, experiences, and situations to help us grow. We can choose to acknowledge that we are the owners of our realities, or play victim and fall a part with resentment. This was the greatest gift I gave myself this past year. Today, when I'm feeling frustrated, bitter, or resentful – I have no one to look at but myself. I don't need to have a conversation with someone about why they hurt my feelings and get an apology. Instead, I ask myself why I called this person/situation into my life and what's the lesson I'm trying to learn? Every time I've made that shift the situation has resolved itself. My uncomfortable feels dissipate. I realize I am responsible for my emotions and my reactions.
What gifts are you giving yourself this year?
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The Greatest Gifts You Can Give Yourself Before 30
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Acknowledge you are part of a tribe.
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Recognize you only have the present moment.
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Let go of “fighting” and spread love.
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Make healthy choices.
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Question everything
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Know yourself and advocate for yourself
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Be brutally honest with yourself and stop self sabotaging
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Realize you are the ultimate creator of everything in your life
Originally published on 6/20/18
